March 22, 2007

• I don't really like being boosted.  All these strangers leaving their footprints all over me, I feel violated. 

  I have been taking the Ed disappearance a lot harder than I thought I would.  I think maybe I've pulled out of the depression I was sinking into, Spring-like weather is helping, but I still find random tears running down my face at odd moments for odd reasons.  At least I've come far enough to realize it's nothing personal, him leaving, it's the alcohol.  Always the alcohol.  I believe he means it when he tells me he loves me.  Love is just never enough. That's really sad.  And so am I.

  His sister was in from Texas for the past two weeks, just going home this past Tuesday.  I've remained friends with his sister, Nan, who lives in Akron, we usually get together for dinner once a week.  So the other sister that lives about 2 hrs away came up & I was invited, and accepted, a few nights of dinner & fun with them all.  Originally Ed was suppose to go with me, but when the time came he could not be found and he returned no phone calls from them or me.  The Texas sister hasn't been here in 6 yrs, and who knows when she'll be back, and he didn't show up.  See, it's not personal, directed at me.  Alcohol.

  I reckon I'm a really bad breaker-upper.  That fact alone makes me want to just go to work, go home, don't deal with any other men at all.  Ever.  Add all the games I don't understand, all the lies that I don't see the point in, all the not being able to trust another person farther than you can throw him, the married men who have forgotten their vows....I'm probably going to be seeing a lot of myself...and no one else.  Yep, I'm thinking I'm ready to throw in the towel.  God knows I have enough to keep me busy as it is.  Why look for complications.
  
  There's probably some really nice guy with a pension plan & a Harley out there riding around searching for just me. 

  In Asia or something. 

  Otherwise............

  Nate turned 23 last Tuesday.  Where does the time go?  He's doing well...but lonely...seems to be a theme in my house.

  I've been working towards being ready for the Rally April 29th.  I've also been invited to set up a table at a Fallen Hero Family Support comedy show on the 28th of April.  I've been printing a ton of pass-out stuff and trying to write my speech.  Want to hear what I have so far?  Ok.

  Hi, my name is Terri R and I'm here today representing the Silver Star Families of America.  I'm not a public speaker, so I'll try not to fuck up too badly.

  Pretty good, huh?

  Momma Meeeeaaaaaaa the shit I get myself into.

  Next weekend will find me in Georgia for the Memorial Garden dedication one of the mothers of a Fallen Hero is doing.  I can't wait to meet her, she is one of those strong people who turn a tragedy into a good thing.  I like people like that.

  Sunny, I'm probably coming to Branson the first week of May.  If you're available I'd love to hug you in person.  Just a friendly kinda hug, though, I know you think I have a sexy phone voice but I've not been driven to that yet. 

  I am way behind in reading you guys.  I don't believe I'll ever catch up.  It makes me feel guilty when I see you've been here, but I haven't been to your place.  Sorry.  All of my free time seems to have been swallowed up.  By what, I don't know, but I don't have any. 

  Ok, got work to finish up.  You kids have a lovely evening ~ You know I will.  More than likely. 

   

  • 4:42 pm
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