January 18, 2007
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Randomness
One of my Mom's bi-passes is 75% and another 100% blocked. In 4 yrs. What do mine look like, I wonder. They are going to put in some stints in the next couple of weeks...no open heart, thank God.
I didn't want to start 2007 in a funk, but it seems that I have. For no particular reason. Possibly PMS.
I wish I could study self-awareness/self-help books, do the exercises and dig deep into myself as one of my dear friends does, but I just get bored and lose interest.
I realize that I immerse myself in "work" (soldier stuff) to fill the voids that are plentiful in my life. At least I'm not using food.
I have noticed that I'm always alone...even in a crowd.
I almost choked to death in the truck last night. On water. Glad I was in my brother's driveway and could get of the truck. Would have been really bad if I were still driving on 76 East.
I hope I don't die by drowning.
I have noticed that those who protest head games the loudest play them the hardest.
Some people are mean, apparently just because they can be.
Those people suck.
I think no one wants to date me because my brother keeps telling everyone that I put Nate's dad in the hospital twice. Big pussies are scared of me.
It's never a good idea to try to cause me physical pain. I have bad reactions.
For the first time in 12 yrs I didn't get a Happy Birthday call from Ed, which means for the first time in 12 yrs he didn't get one from me.
I am surprised by how much I must have been awaiting that call, and by how much it hurt that it didn't come.
I wonder if he even noticed.
When Winter hits I always get an overpowering urge to eat vegetables and take walks.
I have not read any of my fav's at MDD or Xanga in a month, and really have no desire to. (I have read a couple of fav's, but really, only 2)
If you're still reading me, I have no freakin idea why.
Most songs can make me tear up.
And commercials.
I have noticed that everything in my life comes in spurts. I'm always either so busy/occupied that I can't think, or there is absolutely nothing at all going on.
I wish it would spread out a little more evenly.
I'm finding myself amused by stupid shit that would have angered me before.
I have noticed that I'm not as cute as I used to be, but my heart is bigger than it once was.
I have work to do. Lots of work.
And then, maybe I'll have time to work on my life.
Comments (10)
Okay, girl! Here is your POOR BABY......now if I knew your situation well enough, or where you are at this time and place well enough I would give you some good advice.....Oh, yeah, right! Me give anyone advice?! lol I do hope you come out of your "blue funk" quickly. I miss you on Xanga. I miss hearing about Nate and new gal friend......like it's any of my business. Some of us have no life to speak of so anything and everything that goes on in our friend's lives is exciting news to us. Get going on Xanga again so that all your friends can tell you how special you are and what a good job you are doing etc.
Go to the doc. and get something for depression to help for afew weeks or months until you get straightened out again. Sure did help me. I usually only take one at bedtime and sleep better. Today with having to deal with Wil's family etc. I took one before we left and didn't get the shakes once. Have to be around them again tomorrow so will take another one then too. I don't think the usual one a day is going to hurt me and as soon as I can get it together I'll stop that one too.
Keep in touch so that you can get atta girls from your Xanga buddies.
Geez, you are in a funk. You have to watch that water. It'll kill you. It's intoxicating and can choke you. Really, there should be warning labels on it. Maybe you can sue.
That's scary about your mom. I choked on some water last summer when I was driving back from Amishland and had to pull over to the side of the road. It wasn't fun. So I know what you're talking about.
Do you suffer from SADD?
Well, YOU have been missed. I'm sorry you've been having a tough time. I hope your mom is okay. Happy belated birthday. I hate missing birthdays but now that I see when it was I know why it escaped my notice. I was a bit distracted/distraught last month. Hey, spring is coming. Soon it'll be all good. You can continue to skip my blog, nothing but drivel of late.
"When Winter hits I always get an overpowering urge to eat vegetables and take walks."
Holy cow! Self-destructive behavior like that may lead to... fitness! Just don't drink water while you walk. Sometimes, I choke just on my saliva. What's up with that?
"If you're still reading me, I have no freakin idea why."
I haven't been reading you. BECAUSE, you never write anymore. You are an interesting person when you do write. You have good things to say, even when you're blue. I can empathize. You're not alone in your struggles. I had a naughty thought about the spurts comment, but... never mind.
Well come on over and SMACK THAT with me!!!! I got Akon.... oh my goodness you are the best ever!!!!
Do you need another package in the mail??? I am gonna send one anyway..... this could be fun.
Sorry about your funk doll.... I wish I could help but I use humor in situations like these and I am sure you don't want that. I love you though!!! I really really do...
Come on and watch me smack that all on the floor smack that give me some more....
LOL call Ed and tell him that line.... oh my gosh he will flip the frick out!!
we read ya, cause we love ya. so write something more often for us will ya? i am selfish like that. hope the funk goes away. take care, and maybe you shouldn't drink water, maybe you need something stronger.
Have a good Sunday!!! It is snowing here!!!!
RYC: My dear Xanga friend... you posted on the 18th, this is the 23rd....5 days does not a month make! lol I have one word that will insist on coming out if I'm going to cuss. One word isn't too bad is it? I'm going to spout it out in the wrong place at the wrong time one of these days and truly embarrass myself.
RYC: LOL no silly girl.....
I miss you tons. I made you a cd I just need to get my fat ass to the PO.
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